Expired Sex Esteem® Model when Clients Present with Infidelity

For couple therapists, the discovery and presentation of secret sexual acts, ongoing affairs, or repetitive boundary crossings of monogamous agreements can be clinically challenging, anxiety-inducing, and elicit questions of: where do I go from here?   

Studies show that most heterosexual US couples expect some form of sexual exclusivity within their partnerships. 86% of gay male partners (ages 18-40) describe their relationships as monogamous. 55.97% of lesbian/queer women report they are in a monogamous relationship. Given the expectation dial is still set to monogamy, while we know that many partners engage in infidelity, how can couple therapists become more informed and comfortable when addressing the many implicit yet rarely discussed expectations that partners (and therapists) make around consensual monogamy?  

In this workshop, therapists will learn how to assess readiness for change with partners that have transgressed their sexual exclusivity agreement.  Sari Cooper will outline the main assessment questions that are part of her Sex Esteem® model to allow for the widest lens enabling therapists to invite clients to reflect on: What they thought they were agreeing to when they committed to this relationship; How each partner has hurt/been hurt by the betrayal and break of trust; Had they discussed deeper emotional, erotic, and sexual needs; How to define what true repair would look like; What old family of origin narratives/traumas have been triggered through the breaks in trust; Whether they are ready to own their needs and commit to building a Relationship 2.0 that is more authentic.